Parenting Skills

Parenting magazines generally view effective parenting in two different ways - what “works” in the immediate moment, or what is most beneficial to the child in the long-term. Many parenting magazines agree that effective parenting usually entails what is the most beneficial in the long run for the child.

For example, a common situation is when a child hits or strikes the parent. Some parents will actually hit the child back, using the rationale that the child needed to know how it felt. Perhaps it might work in the short run because the child will stop hitting. However, many parenting magazines regard this is an example of ineffective parenting because the child never learned why hitting is wrong to begin with. It also does not teach the child compassion. Parenting magazines also contend that it makes the parent look like a bigger child.

Effective parenting has to teach both the parent and the child the long-term value of evaluating the root of the hitting. Why did the child start hitting? Was it out of frustration or anger? Was the child being neglected in some way? Was the child merely testing his or her limits? The effective parent is able to step back and contemplate the situation from a broader perspective. If the child is frustrated or angry, their reaction might be to start hitting. Parents must handle the situation with compassion. Over time, the child will learn that hitting is not the way to go.

It is more important to consider the needs of the child rather than the needs of the parent. At the time a parent is hit by a child, the parent might feel the need to react in kind. There is no benefit to the child to react this way. The child needs the compassion and effective parenting values that will curb this behavior before it becomes a larger problem in the future.

Parents who struggle with a response, rather than a reaction, should allow themselves to calm down before taking action. The old adage “count to ten” is sage advice.